Our Digital Selves

This had a lot to do with my decision of starting Les Eclaireurs.

A few months ago I watched this amazing documentary  and I started living the Virtual World froma different perspective. By then I was teaching at Woodcrest University -the best Roleplay community to me-, but I saw that most of my students were there to just fool around, they had multiple alts and no one seemed to even have an idea that some people actually live in Second Life, and that behind the Avatar there is a real human being.

So I left, I started looking for something else, something bigger. Something deeper. Finding mods behaving like assholes around roleplay communities, I felt hopeless seeing that I couldnt even find a place to call HOME. A place with actual streets, not like the Linden homes (my god those are VERY ugly!!!!!! the Second Life Ghettos!). An actual community.

After a research season, I created Les Eclaireurs with the hope of starting an amazing community, no matter how big or how small.........but how REAL it was. I am sure I am not the only one looking to take Second Life to a different level, considering that it isnt The Sims, that there are people behind the avatars. That some arent here to waste time, that we dont have the chance of living certain things in the Physic World. Meetings, concerts, different exhibits at the museum and all kinda events going on with real people that are willing to be part of it, not just be outsiders.

So I started this journey. And because every story has to begin somewhere, my starting point is here, at Les Eclaireurs.

If you would like to join me, I honestly cant be more grateful. And please dont be affraid of contacting me! (not lazy haha)
 http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Jaguar%20Mountains/158/191/24

What is Second Life?

Maybe we should all wonder...  With all the things that can be done, all the GOOD we could do through Second Life...are we just wasting time? why are we part of this Virtual Community? What are our expectations here? Can we actually let Second Life help us improve our Real Lives? 

I realized that people saying "sl is sl, it isnt real" are actually excusing for not having values in this particular Virtual World. The real meaning of those words are: "i wont take you serious, to me you arent a person, so i dont give a shit if i hurt/offend you". 

Did you know that behind the avatars there are actual people, with their own lives? That this isnt The Sims? This is a Virtual Community, with real people. Of course, you can choose to come online to play games (Game: an activity or sport usually involving skill, knowledge, or chance, in which you follow fixed rules and try to win against an opponent), but you must keep you basic human values in-world too, like respect.

Did you know that some people actually live in Second Life because they dont have the chance of doing it in the RL? That they enjoy dancing and walking because they cant do it in RL, or having kids because they couldnt in RL.... or even....look for help in Support Groups for something that is giving them a hard time in RL. 

Second Life is a tool. But so many people dont realize it. So many people take this Second Chance for granted. 

With this I'm not telling you that you have to reveal your RL info to everyone and trust every person you meet, this IS a Virtual World, and Virtual have always had its dangers.

I dare you living Second Life as an actual Second Chance for all the things you always wished you could do in your Real Life. What would you do if you could actually BE your Avatar for one day? 

If our Avatars are an extension of ourselves.... how do you connect with the world that surrounds you in Second Life? Are you where you want to be in SL? 

Catfish

"I discovered what Catfish was in a TV show a few years ago. I am 26 years old and I have always had a lonely life. You'll see, I am fat. VERY fat. And I am not like those thin models on the ads, and...I am NOT like my avatar in Second Life.

I was so inlove with Marcus that I decided to lie to him. I pretended to be a beautiful curvy latina and sent him tons of pictures of that woman that I didnt even know. Sometimes I really believed I was her, and it felt so amazing to be loved, to be told how beautiful I was.

After almost a year in a partnership with him in Second Life and many excuses to avoid videocalls, one afternoon after work I found myself crying in my car driving home, determined to tell him the truth. I couldnt even take a picture of myself without crying, how could I be so ugly? How could I have lied for so long to the person I loved?

When Marcus saw me he just asked me why I didnt give him the chance of loving me exactly how I am. And I didnt know what to answer.

My avatar now is a Plus Size. I am not ashamed anymore, but I am still working on my self confidence. I am not proud of what I did, but Maria, we cant all be super confident when showing our Real Life faces just like that. We all try to be better...not always to cheat on the other person, but sometimes to feel better about ourselves.

Thank you for sharing my story,

Anon"

Skype Me

Leena met Angelo in Real Life after being in a relationship with him in Second Life for 6 months. I'll just paste what she sent me to publish in my blog.

"He was the perfect men, even if he was 12 years older than me I just knew he was the one for me. We used to skype every single day, almost all day. We had lots of sex in videocall, he sent me hundreds of pictures of him, I even met her daughter and he met my 3 boys. When he came to Boston to meet me I was very excited, i felt I knew everything about him already...but when I saw him at the airport everything was just wrong: he was way too short (he wasnt has tall as he said he was, he was almost smaller than me), he was way too thin....like in his bones literally....and so so much older! The camera made him look so much different that I felt cheated. He was awful. I didn't even want to kiss him. His perfume repulsed me. Angelo was very sweet but he was like a grandpa. Even his skin felt like an elderly person! My lesson? Dont believe what you see even if it looks real". 

Thank you Leena for sharing your experience!


Is it really what's outside that counts? Well...definitely it DOES count. We arent just an avatar, and we arent just a body. But we arent kissing air, arent we? Lets try to find a better quality for videocalls and less photoshop!

And please people... lets not try to cheat on the videocalls trying to look what we arent.

We arent stupid, and if you plan to meet in Real Life, well we will find out how you look like eventually.

Instinct

It is said that we should always allow our instinct guide us. But somehow humans, unlike animals, are always ashamed of our own most natural instincts. 

The most basic one is sex. Animals so it for reproduction. Humans.....for fun. And we try so hard to even make it about love, but lets be honest: nature didnt make it about feelings at all. 

In Second Life these two concepts are are much more clear than in Real Life, maybe because it is easier to talk to someone without seeing an actual face. 

Kim was clear from the beggining about her limits: she didnt want love, she wanted money and presents. And Ian was up to give her that, but he wanted her to make him feel loved in exchange of that money. This Sugarbaby relationship went on for a few months, and they were really enjoying it. Infact, Kim was enjoying it more than she thought she ever would. 

One night she logged in crying, her rl was complicated at the time and she felt the only person she could talk with was Ian, so she IMmed him. He didnt answer. She had the landmark of his house so she thought maybe she could tp, they were so confident by then. But the surprise was that when she arrived he was with his friends...and he got so upset because to him she was just a Sugarbaby that he would never introduce to his friends. 

The whole relationship was a lie, thats what they both signed for. Everytime he had been sad she was there for him. But when it came to her..."When I see you I always give you what you want. But if we dont plan to see eachother, you have absolutely nothing to give me. That was our deal" he said. 

He did it for survival, he didnt have to sign up for a relationship with a real girlfriend and all that it takes. She did it for the same reasons, but when she confused it with love...she hit her head against a huge wall called REALITY. 

Are we wrong when we make intimacy be about love? 

Is a relationship really about love....or is it actually about survival?

Overcome Real Life

This is like all of my stories, 100% true. 

He stared at the club every single day with a Tag on his name announcing he had already spent more than L$40,000 that month tipping strippers and escorts there. 

It was amazing: he just walked there and stayed quiet at some random corner while the girls went crazy trying to seduce him. Girls must have thought he was very hard and jerking off on the other side of the screen, they laugh in IM and make jokes of how he went quiet because according to them he was masturbating with the stupid things they were saying. 

The truth....? 

He is in a wheelchair in RL. About a year ago he had an accident, he was drunk (he was ALWAYS drunk) and he decided it was a good idea to drive home. Now he cant feel anything from his hips down. And he is always depressed...but he cant drink anymore to drown his sorrows. 

Everytime he goes anywhere is RL they all pitty him. He needs to feel desired, to be treated as a person...as the man he actually is. 

So staring at the Strip club in SL 24/7 with all those women all over him all the time...that is what makes him feel human nowadays. 

Its sad that he feels he has to pay for that, but lets be honest: women usually arent so opened in SL, always afraid men will think we are hitting on them. 

Even more sad...the bullying the strippers did there was totally unnecessary. 

One day one of them asked him "Hey, do you like speed? Like....anything on wheels...cars, bikes....whatever?" I was the only one knowing who he is in RL. And I almost faint that day xD. 

SL Soulmate

Is there such thing as a Second Life Soulmate?

Valentines Day is almost here and most of my friends are wandering around Dating Agencies in Second Life. It seems that being single is hell of a torture in February, except for all the escorts offering a special -high- rate for that day. And those who already have a date and a present.

I couldnt help but wonder, are we just looking for someone to spend some time with and have fun? Or are we really looking for our Soulmate? 

Suddenly, I heard an absurd statement:

"I am happily married in Second Life, she is the love of my life in-world. And we are best friends as well in Real Life"

Wait, rewind, what?

He only loves her in Second Life, but in Real Life all they have is a friendship...? What are we exactly dealing with in Second Life?

Do you think we have a Second Life Soulmate and a totally different Soulmate in Real Life?

We dont say "I'm in love and married to that person in Facebook, but out of the social network im single". So why do we keep lying to ourselves saying that we only love that person in Second Life?

Oh I'm sorry, I am actually falling for you....wait, let me switch this thing off.....oh there we go...I'm not falling anymore, I forgot it was only SL, had to program my heart again to be just a pixel little thing and stop existing at all while i talk with you. We dont want to risk being real dont we? 

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