Love=BDSM

One minute this person is all over you and the next minute the same person is pushing you away. And you ask yourself "WHY IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING AGAIN?" Why did you even get in this relationship? We all know how much we are risking when we get in a relationship but...

Does it worth it?

When you realize that in the relationship all the time you were thinking about "we", your partners version of "we" was him and his dick.... does that mean you have to actually explain to that person what love means? Or you can just turn the page and move on alone? 

I think love is actually a subtle version of BDSM. 

John used to tell me how much he cared about his submissives, how he loved them and respected them because thats what a Master does. But in a relationship out of bdsm....in Second Life you dont get much of that.

When do you stop being the lovely girlfriend and become being a masochist? 

Are we actually optimistic if we continue in a relationship where we are not having what we applied for? Or does listening to excuses makes us plain stupid or submissives taking the pain?

Faking it

Are we just romance intolerant? 

Some people are terrified of showing their real feelings and facing a real relationship, even in Second Life it is a challenge to love without fear. 

But for some, it is better to have a fake relationship. Some go to RP sims, others pay for a partner. The thing is: they rather faking it than being alone. Or even worse: being in a real relationship and risk their real heart. 

Dawn met Austin last year at Energy Club. She was so in love with him, but he wasnt sure he wanted the same she did. Somehow Dawn decided that all she wanted was to be close to him all the time she could, so to her Austin was her boyfriend. And she suffered a lot because he used to spend sometimes the whole day without talking to her, then just come and say "I was afk", and she would believe him because all she wanted was him. And Austin felt so guilty because he loved Dawn, but he just didnt have the guts to tell her he didnt want a relationship at all. He just didnt want to hurt her. But yes, meanwhile, he kept seeing other women. 

One of my closest friends is a very handsome man that pays monthly for a girlfriend. He cant stand a real relationship, he knows that when he pays for it then he is in control of the situation, he decides how the relationship will be. And those women are very happy about it, they get thousands of lindens and gifts and they are actually loved...they have a man that cuddle them and take them to dates. And they feel important making him feel loved and happy. Or maybe they are amazing faking it and making him feel good about it!

Is it better to fake it than being in an actual relationship or even  just being alone....?

I wonder how many are looking fake it just to have someone for Valentines Day. 

A new page

This time I'm going to tell you MY story.

I met the father of my children in Real Life 10 years ago in Second Life.

It wasnt easy at all, i live in Argentina. He lives in Italy. I didnt speak italian, he didnt speak spanish.

But it was great...it was perfect until...it wasnt.

(This is my old youtube with him https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXMbBlZxo3k)

I swore I would never fall in love again. It hurted me so bad to end that relationship because I never loved like that and i really didnt want to risk falling again and suffering like that.

I met someone in Second Life a while ago and somehow I loved him right away, I just knew our connection was in a different level. And he is coming to Argentina now. And here I go... After so many years... I am giving myself the chance of loving again. To really love again.

Maybe I shouldnt, but damn...this feels like the most beautiful mistake.

Tyler, I'm ready to risk. Are you...?

Outsiders

When it comes to Second Life, is it really what's outside what counts? 

Having the perfect avatar can give you some points when you are out in the Virtual World socializing. But a beautiful avatar doesnt guarantee a good person.


Sean was a furry when he met Ari. At the beginning she thought he was ridiculous, but after a few minutes with him she totally fell for this guy that had her paws all over her.

"The way he talked to me was very different from the way everyone else treated me, we had a connection right away. And he had that way of turning me on that I never experienced before, because in my head i wasnt having sex with the avatar, i was reaching an orgasm with the person behind the screen, a person that i never even seen". 

Marie felt for Tyler the moment she met him on a random land without shirt nor shoes. His voice made her forget about the lack of shoes, she didnt see him as an avatar....he was the most amazing person she ever met. "I never even change my clothes" he said. Marie knew he could even wear a clown costume forever and it wouldnt make a difference, what she felt had nothing to do with their avatars. And she is actually very proud of showing her man around. A little secret? She is dying to ask him to marry her.

Chris has his avatar looking like a noob, no AO, not mesh. But he has been in SL for 3 years. "Im not wearing the ultimate bento body to make people come to me for the way I look, connections are made with something deeper and stronger that appearance".

Are we the only ones looking beyond the appearance...?

Or are outsiders a majority? 

Virtually Human

We all get to the point in Second Life where we ask ourselves how much of my Real Life am I going to involve here?

So many people use the Virtual World as an excuse to be the worse version of themselves. Disrespectful, players, they lose the sense of morality that makes us human.

I was very curious about the whole "Sugar Daddy" thing, so I met this group of Sugar Baby girls.
The conversation between them was like this:

Adda: "Poor thing, he just IMmed me telling me he is quite depressed, he is having an awful time in rl. I'm gonna tp there, told him I could make his day better"
Liz: "Go girl!!! Now is when you talk all sweet to him" Get to that wallet lol!"
Adda: "Duh! I mean look at him...he got so ridiculously mystical about wanting to connect to the 'real me´ and not with the avatar. I mean...darling this is the real me, this perfect flawless avatar that never get messed up, not even messy hair in bed. 

When I asked for how long they have been in this Sugar relationship I couldnt believe it...8 months!!!!! If the person you have been sharing such special moments with, even with a base of money, after EIGHT MONTHS tells you he is having a difficult time in rl and needs your support...are you really just gonna see the wallet?

He must have been quite lonely in RL to come looking for that in SL. Call me old fashioned, but I cant just see a perfect avatar or a wallet. I PERCEIVE the human being behind the screen.

Answering the question I started here with....ever if you dont want to involve your Real Life here, not having the basic human values just make you an asshole, not a perfect flawless avatar.

IM me

I always believed men in Second Life always looked for sex.

In an anonymous Escort Club in Second Life my whole idea about men changed.

"Most men come here to talk, they want to be pampered. We mostly get payed to be Girlfriends, not Dancers. They want the whole Girlfriend Experience, the sure thing: someone to love them without drama, to go around on dates with them -and they are VERY romantic-, they want the girlfriend that wont be annoying with jealousy and stuff that usually come up in a relationship"

Mare is an experienced SL Escort, she makes around L$80.000 in a lousy week. She is amazing, her social skills rock. When she told me this, I couldnt believe it.

So I started actually talking with people, starting IMs with strangers and I could see many guys told me "I'm sorry, i am not good at starting conversations, i'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing". And its not just for men, women are insecure too!

It was so sad! Some people are terrified of being judged for using the wrong words... and it seems in Second Life they wouldnt have a Second Chance.

Why some people in Second Life have to be so cruel and judgemental....?

From now on, i'm never waiting for anyone to IM me first.

And you...what are your waiting for??? Take your chances and start IMming!

Virtual Desires

Is the fact that we dont share our worlds what makes the hottests relationships in Second Life?

You meet this person, click right away, have an absolute chemistry. But when you try to share worlds they simple dont match as we were hoping it would. Can be the complete different culture, the tremendous age gap, just different backgrounds that makes the magic be gone.

"We have an amazing time in Second Life, she is fun and makes me feel like home. We are all the time doing things, without planning even...it is just perfect...NATURAL, for weeks we've been hanging around and I cant get tired of her. Its just that when we try to talk about our RL we are so different it seems it takes us apart! Is that the so called ´Second Life only?´"

If it is...whats the harm in believing?

In Second Life you can try everything you ever wanted, from surfing to BDSM. So if we believe in a sexual fantasy we could believe in a Second Life relationship.

After all.... what really defines a relationship? Is it what you share or ...what you dont?

And if what defines a relationship is what you dont share, then having your secret fantasies in Second Life would make a RL marriage fake?

Monogamous in SL

To be in a couple, do you have to put your Single self on a shelf?

You are single and looking for romance when suddenly you arent only in a relationship, but also in Hell. Your partner is there all the time  and you dont seem to be able to do anything without explaining where you are going, who you are seeing and why you want to do all that without your partner.

"As soon as I was Online he would write to me. I felt the same way I used to feel when i was 13 and my mother was all over me all the time...I didnt have my own life anymore. But if I told him how he was making me feel, he would get so upset. Or sad.
It made me want to run away. I... actually... ran away...I mean, I dont know when it stopped being fun and started being scary!
Do you think that made me romance intolerant?"


In a world like Second life, is it possible to be monogamous without turning our whole lives into "a partnership"? 

Erotic

Greeks have always had words to expres intense feelings and relationships.

For example: erotism. Did you know that it actually means "curiosity"?

So when we take this Erotic feelings to Second Life, we are actually being curious about ourselves, getting to know things that help us discover more about who we actually are.

If you are already in a relationship in Real Life, is it wrong to feel erotic about someone in Second Life? 

It would only help you discover who you are. See it as a tool. But then...what if it involves Skype? How much of SL is that....?

When does Second Life stop being Second and start being Real? 

Here goes the story:

Rhonda is married in Real Life, but she started feeling that something was missing, not in her marriage because she found her husband perfect, but about herself. She started playing Second Life and fell inlove...with a woman.

Rhonda was finally happy, but always worried because she felt kinda sneaky about it, so she told her husband that she really loved him, but she also loved her new girlfriend in Second Life....and that it would never go to Real Life, she was very happy with things as they were.

Her husband accepted it, they set the boundaries, he even talked with her girlfriend and met on Skype. To them, Skype didnt mean it was RL, but to Rhonda it didnt make her SL relationship less important than her RL one.

She found her balance, her Blisspoint.

Could maybe all partners in Real Life be that opened about Second Life?

Maybe we are finally understanding what Greeks knew since the beginning of time. Maybe Second Life is making us wiser.

After all, we dont only have to live once....now, we can live twice ;)

The old Cheating Test

A friend of mine once wrote to me very concerned about a task she had to do for a friend of hers. Audrina had a relationship, her boyfriend proposed Partnership and the whole happy marriage combo to her. But Audrina wasnt going to give that step without having my friend trying to hit on him to find out if he was loyal to his future wife.

"She says she cannot go further in this love road and get her heart broken, if he is cheating on her she needs to know now".  So my friend went to the SIM where he lived and pretended to be a neighbour. Started talking to him and after a while, threw the granade: he denied having a girlfriend.

My friend was so sad, she didnt know if she should tell Audrina the truth.

Arent we all believing a little bit of a lie in Second Life? She had a beautiful relationship and she was getting married, was it necessary to know if he was having affairs around Second Life?

Would you want to know?

Sugar Expectations

"He told me 'I love you' and I didnt know what to say...should I tell him that I love him back just because thats what he wants to hear...? Or should I only say it if I really feel it in rl?"

Lara first started playing Second Life to relief  Real Life stress. Then she started roleplaying and she found herself in that situation: he said "I love you", she didnt know if it was 100% roleplay, a-little-percent Real Life or if Second Life is all about expectations and you have to lie in order to fulfil peoples desires.

Are we living Second Life with too many expectations? 

"TabulaRasa" has four alts, four female avatars with one Sugar Daddy in each account. One is a recent widower, that is so depressed he wont go out of his house other than to go to work. And now he is paying her 200US$ to be his Sugar Daddy in Skype, and gives her all kinds of gifts in Second Life: Fatpacks of purses, shoes, amazing outfits. Even a beautiful skybox where she lives.

"They expect to be told certain things, to feel young and desired without the fear of rejection, so I give them the possibility of having what they always wanted: the security of a relationship in distance"

She also had a Sugar Daddy that she took to Skype that was actually married in Real Life, had the happiest family with 3 children. But he found out he had certain desires he couldnt share with his wife. So Tabula was there for him...in Second Life, in phonecalls and in videocalls. Not only when he wanted sex, also when he needed someone to talk to.

But it didnt make it a real feeling. She was only there because he was paying her to do what he expected.

Are we really willing to PAY someone to make us believe what we want even if it is far away from being real...?

The Real Second Life

Tom talks about Fran, a beautiful blonde woman that runs a Support Group in Second Life.

Fran would tell him that when she sees herself dancing on the screen she doesnt see a disconnected avatar: she sees the Fran she is inside, the real one...the one that her legs wouldnt allow her to dance like her avatar is doing.

(this is Tom and Fran in Second Life)

Her Support Group in Namaste Islands is real, because the person behind the screen doing it is real.

The difference between her physical body and her avatar was not about hiding nor denying her RL, instead it was all about taking advantage of the Virtual World to do all the things her body wouldnt let her do in the Physical World.

(Tom and Fran in Real Life)

"Actually I feel this is more real-world to me than my real world" She said. She enjoyed riding horses in Second Life, taking care of her Group in her land, doing Support Meetings, dancing. All the things that she wouldnt be able to do in the physical world. 

Are you letting Second Life be an extension of yourself ? 

Are you just wasting time in Second Life? 

Are you doing something meaningful with it....? 

(Pictures and info are real, from the book "Coming of Age in Second Life" by Tom Boellstorff)

The Chicken or the Sex?

Communication is a big part of any relationship, but in Second Life it is The Must.

Talita had an amazing connection with Bryce from the moment they met at Element Club. They spent the first few days doing romantic things in lands with ridiculous sparking particles around and couple dances, but then came the sex: and it wasnt that good. Talita felt a good chat wasnt enough.

Attraction is a big part of a relationship, but when it only makes good conversations, can the relationship actually work?

What comes first, the chicken or the egg? Is sex part of communication in a relationship? 

On the other hand, my friend Mike had this amazing sex chemistry with a girl in Second Life, but it didnt seem to work out of bed. He found her terribly boring and after a few months they stopped seeing eachother, which affected that girl a lot because she was actually inlove, but she never realized he found all her rp ridiculous when they werent having sex. Mike hates Roleplay.

Is it possible to find a balance in Second Life without faking the missing part in a relationship? Or the only balance you get is a friendship?

To me, finding great sex and great friendship in one person is a greek myth. Mostly, in Second Life.

Talita is still single and regrets not being with Bryce. Mike is the happiest single guy, never had sex again in SL,,,now he is all about friendship.

Endless possibilities...?

In a world of perfect people, no one was more perfect than Caroline. Her profile says she has been in Second Life for 7 years. It looked like she had it all: her beautiful house she decorated so well, her amazing skill to roleplay, her flawless avatar. Until one day she decided to cross the line of  roleplay  to actually date someone she considered special.

"We are just seeing where this all get us... we are open to possibilities, living the moment" she told me, and it was her own way of saying "I'm in love". 

A few months after, drama started. "He is married in Real Life. And even if we keep SL and RL separated I cant stop thinking about him in my daily RL" Then, "He doesnt want to get married in Second Life because he thinks that would get him too involved". 

Can you date someone who is never going to marry you? But most of all...Can you even date someone who is so opened to possibilities but is already married to someone else? 

Caroline didnt log in Second Life for a while now. She was devastated. She tried moving on but he wouldnt let her go, because he was in love too...but not enough to make her his wife, at least in that perfect Second Life they created together.

Like any Real Life breakup, she needed time to heal the heart the decided to open to someone she believed would never hurt her in a virtual world.

 It turns out..."The virtual and the physical are distinct yet connected, and what makes this connection possible is that both the virtual and the physical are real" (cit. "Coming of Age in Second Life: an Antrophologist explores the Virtually Human").

Blisspoint

When you find the perfect balance between Second Life and Real Life: thats the Blisspoint.

It is where you can live your Real Life perfectly normal without Second Life affecting it, and go back to Second Life without making it all turn around your Real Life.

But when you fall for someone badly in Second Life, how do you keep that Blisspoint?

Is it possible to live a life with two loves: one in each world? Would that still be Blisspoint...?

Pauline called me on Skype desperate once, "Marie I think I'm cheating on my rl boyfriend" she said crying. She was dating in Second Life when she realized she was madly in love with this guy. And the feeling was so strong she got to feel she was cheating on her rl partner. Was she? 

The thing is, Pauline had a good Second Life. She is a creator and has her own shop, she is an amazing photographer, she goes out, have friends and yes, date. And even if she never had sex in Second Life (to her that was considered cheating) she felt she wasnt being loyal.

There, at the Blisspoint, what constitutes cheating?

Second Life is my life

   I have a friend that has a severe lung condition. In his early 40's he stopped going out, he would have to carry the oxygen with him everywhere, and he hated the idea of people looking at him as the poor sick guy. I met him in Second Life in 2010 and we have been close friends since then. His Second Life is his whole life. 

   Yesterday he had this big New Years Eve party in Second Life and I asked him in private "wouldn't you like to actually meet some of these people? I mean, they have known you forever....". But his partner had already asked him that...he refuses to let them all see him connected to the oxygen 24/7. 

   It made me wonder how many people is living Second Life as their entire full Life? How any get to have experiences that will never have in Real Life? 

  Walking around town, travelling, having drinks out with friends, having all kind of adventures...to some people its not possible to do in Real Life. 

    Second Life is helping a lot of people out there. I am glad I can be part of this and see it happen. 
    
 
 M.